Nappers of all faiths, the time has come to congregate in holy slumber. The Southern Naptist Convention is nigh upon us.
No, this is not an Onion article.
Slated for Sunday at 14 Pews, a Heights microcinema whose building is a former church, the convention is part of Houston artist Emily Sloan’s Napping Affects Performance project and its spiritual arm, the Universal NAP Church. Participants will gather to prepare for an upcoming “napture,” which Naptists predict will arrive in October.
“A prophecy has been made that on Oct. 21, 2011, that this spiraling we’re doing towards insomnia will on that day hit a peak, and many people will be trapped in insomniatic hell,” Sloan warned in a YouTube video that by Friday morning had developed a cult-size following, with page views numbering in the hundreds.
The Naptists found an ally in Gallery Furniture owner Jim “Mattress Mack” McIngvale, who appeared in the video and said while he wasn’t sure he believed in insomniatic hell, he believed in “insomnia zombies,” warning viewers, "Don't get left awake."
“We don’t need to have insomnia and be a zombie all day long,” said McIngvale, who appeared in the video, which also included interviews with Houston artists, including Michael Galbreth of the Art Guys. “We need to sleep great and take a nap in the middle of the day and feel great all day and all night.”
As part of their napture preparations, conventioneers will “be lead in a nap-inducing meditation by Stanley Merrill of The Jung Center of Houston, partake in napping, have the opportunity to be naptized, share milk and cookies, and be lead in a closing laugh by Rev. Emily Sloan,” the YouTube post said.
In keeping with McIngvale’s prescription, the convention kicks off in the middle of the day, at 1 p.m. Sunday at 14 Pews, 800 Aurora. For details, contact Sloan at 713-582-1198 or email@example.com or visit www.nappingaffectsperformance.blogspot.com.