I don't like to brag [Editor’s note: lol], but, courtesy of this beer column, people constantly approach me for comedy tips. I'm happy to oblige, but the real question is can one be taught how to be funny? Well, let me answer that question with another question. Can one truly teach a fledgling how to first soar into the ether?

That wasn't rhetorical. You totally can.

Imagine you've come upon a nest of hatchlings, probably during a daily stroll through neighborhood treetops. Take a moment to sit down and rap a bit about the basics of aeronautics. Don't fret if the technical points on high/low pressure systems and thrust don't seem to register with them; birds are notoriously dim. Also, you're going to hurl one out of the nest regardless.
Ian Cheesman photos
The goal is to really crystalize their understanding that what they DON'T want to do is plummet to their death. That's key. Further, the soft thud provided by their sibling below demonstrates what doing nothing on the trip down will yield. Since birds have a pretty limited rolodex of things they can do - piercing stares, nervous head jerks, flapping of wings - the next one cast out is likely to try something other than simply falling at terminal velocity. Repeat until a trial goes thud-free.

My comedy may be as majestic as flight itself, but it's no more innate. The properly focused mind can distill comedy from anything. As a special feature I'm inviting you into my process, a porthole into the 3 percent of my mind not dedicated to indexing my porn collection.

Old Rasputin

Rasputin was a trusted adviser to Tsarista Alexandra. I could make a joke about "Tsarista" sounding like the title of the managing barista at a coffee bar, but it's a little off topic. I could focus on his political influence in the Romanov Dynasty or his reputed healing powers...but something tells me that the fact his penis merits its own Wikipedia entry might be usable ...

Old Rasputin is North Coast's attempt to craft a Russian Imperial Stout (RIS) as delicious as Rasputin was mangy. Clearly, if it registers anything short of orgasmic it'll be a letdown.

This RIS is an opaque dark-coffee brown with a cookie-dough colored head. The head is thick enough to be a fitting tribute to Rasputin's (allegedly legendary) penis. It smells of alcohol, molasses and roasted chestnuts. The beer I mean, not Rasputin’s penis. Though, in fairness, it could have.

It is lightly sweet with an overcooked caramel nuance, some cocoa powder and a vague oakiness. It has a creamy mouthfeel, delivering a rewarding alcohol warmth. For lack of a better word, it's "roasty." It's the beer equivalent of sitting upwind of a campfire, with all the heat and comfort and none of the carcinogenic smoke.

Grade: A



Le Merle Saison

Le Merle is French for “the Blackbird,” but that name's not really ripe for parody. The aircraft of the same name IS reminiscent of a supersonic black penis, but I think I've had my fill of penis for today. Wait, what?

I think it's best for this review (and my marriage), if I just focus on this style's odd designation as a "Farmhouse ale."

This produces a thick, foamy head that stands as tall as you can pour it. It's a cloudy pale, apricot-toned beer that offers up mild hops, lemon, guava and apple notes. As it warms you get some grassy and musty smells, reminiscent of a sheep's crotch after performing lunges out in the field. Or a barnyard, if you have a stunted imagination.

What is likely to set this apart for most is its unusually tangy flavor. I get hits of lemon, pineapple and a subtle hoppy flavor in the mix. The mouthfeel is thin to moderate, but it feels pretty big for the style. It has a pleasant, warm aftertaste with some lingering bits of citrus and pepper.

Ultimately it is a beer experience that is sure to surprise while still maintaining a sessionable feel. My only gripe is that the sweetness left it feeling a little unbalanced.

Grade: B+



Blue Star Wheat

Wheat. There's not a damned thing that's funny about wheat. Fuck this beer.

This has the classic wheat beer hallmarks - a cloudy, golden-tan beer with a thick head and a bready nose. It gets some distinction from the soft herbal hops in the aroma, but otherwise it's not shattering any molds.

It gets a little more lively on the first taste. The wheat is accompanied by some citrus notes and muted bits of clove. It's not as crisp as others in this style, but these flavors are welcome to linger a bit.

Wheat beers are seldom the most vivacious brew in the room, but this is a solid representative for the breed.

Grade: B