Lame: FotoliaSo Good Housekeeping came out with a list of the greatest toys of all time. From a collector's standpoint (or maybe just for nostalgic reasons) lets run through the list, shall we?

Good Housekeeping's list

Doggie On Wooden Wheels - A guess this was for the little Lenny on your street. He pet his first puppy a little too hard and sent him to doggie heaven, so mom got him this keeper, to avoid future heartache. She wasn’t thinking about the neighbors who caught the sad sight of a kid in a space helmet, dragging an inanimate dog down the street.

Teddy Bear - Can’t argue with that. I mean who didn’t have a teddy bear when they were a kid? Children with communist parents, that’s who.

Scooter - The perfect gift for that special kid who couldn’t lose the training wheels on his bike. Then again, maybe I just have a grudge against scooters. I had my second worse childhood accident involving a scooter. I’m talkin’ some serious scabage. Good times. Good times.

Mickey Mouse - I never bought his relationship with Minnie. It was all just a cover. He should’ve hooked up with Donald instead. You know the Don wanted Mickey. Why else was he always walking around without his pants on?

Dollhouse - Yes, I wanted one. I also wanted some gasoline, M-80’s, and a high-speed camera, but no matter how many catalogs I looked through, I could never find that set. As Ice T said, “Fuck the safety police!” He did say that, right?

Toy Telephone - It’s a little kid's toy. I don’t care, it’s still lame. In order for something to be considered a great toy, you need to be able to remember playing with it.

Play-Doh - I liked the brown play-doh. That way I could form little fake piles of poop, have my dad step in them, and freak the hell out.

Walkie Talkies - These are actually pretty cool. However, with kids and electronics in a rough and tumble outdoor setting, playtime tended to be pretty short.

Barbie - No opinion. Never played with ’em. No really, I swear. Why don’t you just back off, OK?

LEGOs - I liked LEGOs, I just never had much imagination when it came to building stuff. Tall buildings were my thing. Maybe I was trying to compensate for something. I’m talkin’ about my height, smart-ass.

Etch-A-Sketch - It’s all fun and games until puberty hits, and somebody starts drawing genitalia.

Nintendo Entertainment System - I have very well toned thumbs. Gets me chicks all the time, and I owe it all to the NES.

Cabbage Patch Kids - I liked the Garbage Pail Kids better. Besides, cabbage gives you gas.

Furby - My sister got one when she was about eleven, and got tired of it real fast. It got tossed in the hallway closet soon after, and subsequently haunted passers-by with disembodied Furbish. I know a lot of people thought that weird-ass language was cute, but I swear that little Gizmo wannabe was trying to summon Lucifer.

Sega Dreamcast - Yes, it was ahead of its time. It also killed Sega’s console business, and it wasn’t nearly as revolutionary as the Wii. Which isn’t even on this list.

Ultimate Planetarium - I think this is the coolest toy on here. But I’m kind of a science nerd anyway, so what do I know?

If they were gonna make a list of historically lame toys then why didn’t they include the Sit-N-Spin, Chatty Cathy, My Buddy, and the Easy Bake Oven?

Sit-N-Spin - Come on Tommy. Sit down and make yourself puke on purpose. Consider it college prep.

Chatty Cathy - The inspiration for countless horror stories.

My Buddy - One way ticket to an ass-kicking, if you ask me.

Easy Bake Oven - I just saw on the news that the Shriners just reopened their children’s burn hospital in Galveston. Just in time for the holidays.

Any other toys you love to hate, or just rag on sarcastically? Feel free to contribute.