Me and 63: Jesus Garza Day 1: Friday, October 30, 2009
After minion duties, I was ready for the weekend; months had gone into planning for my trip to the anime convention. Unfortunately, the zipper broke on my henchman uniform, but there wasn’t a second to spare, I would have to spend the weekend in it! Oh well, I guess my totally boss Gundam costume will have to wait till next year.

Arriving at the hotel where Oni-Con was being held, I could already smell the “musky” aroma of a building full of geeks. As soon as I stepped in, I could tell this con had it all in terms of people:

A thousand Naruto cosplayers ✓
PedoBear ✓
Domo-Kun ✓
Overweight people in tiny costumes ✓
Lots of guys in girl’s clothing ✓
Furries ✓
Annoying Joker cosplay ✓

… and now they had the privilege and honor of having a bonafide henchman attend; I say it that way, because I had never felt my job to be so important. I couldn’t walk five minutes without taking a picture. Maybe villainy isn’t so bad after all.
Henching: Jesus Garza
Friday night was for scoping out the place (alas, I had no map or schedule) and getting settled. All I could do was walk the main hall, talk to fellow geeks in the plaza and marvel/laugh at some of the awesome costumes. The DIY vendors were there, and I love how creative they can be; most of them were selling drawings (artist’s alley), pins and such, but some were selling very awesome knit work and stuffed animals. I managed to grab a smiling lemon. It's yellow and matches my uniform.

I stepped in to the video game room and immediately signed up for the "Street Fighter" tournament, played a couple of games, and then snacked on Pocky, a staple at any anime convention.

After a poorly planned attempt at going to my hotel room, I made my way outside instead, and by pure chance came across the concert. At any con concert, the artists have something to do with the theme. Unfortunately, as good as the band might have been, the sound was horrid. I stayed for a bit then decided the day had been long enough.

As I made my journey to my room, everyone was scrambling to get food one way or another. No one wanted to walk anywhere. Hotel food is expensive, and pizza looked like the best choice. But not I. I combined my past con experiences with my henchman field training and I brought Ramen. Ramen plus hot water from the coffee machine equals a satisfying meal.
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Day 2: Saturday October 31, 2009

OMG. Yes, diary, I said it. Saturday ended up being a great con experience.

I finally got to step into the video room, and as I ate my breakfast Ramen (see yesterday's post) I watched ... well ... to be honest I don’t know what I was watching, but I felt redeemed. After the movie, I noticed they had classrooms and autograph rooms, just like any con; but the fact that I had to memorize the schedule really irked me and I left that section alone.

Walking around, I saw I wasn’t the only henchman there; number 63 was there with his wife. He was able to come only because he used the lame “Irritable Bowel Syndrome” excuse. LAME. Good thing we took a picture together, I might need a favor someday. I also caught up with a different kind of henchman: a Storm Trooper. I envy those guys; they have armor and better benefits. I hate him.: Jesus Garza

When I decided to hit the dealer’s room, there went over half of my small salary. As I waited to get in, I saw a disturbing sight: a young girl, maybe 15, wearing nothing but high heels and lingerie. I asked her who she was supposed to be. No one I had heard of, but I felt the idea of young girls in lingerie and the tons of older, more than likely horny, nerd guys was not a good mixture. Eh, not my problem.

Once inside, I felt like Marco Polo had brought all his spices to Europe for the first time - only it was more like plushes, vinyl toys, statues, and keychains. There were so many things to buy, I couldn’t really decide. There were people buying three hundred dollar statues, awesome and expensive swords, Tokidoki clothing, and even airsoft guns. There was no way of telling that we were in a recession. I picked up some things for the ladyfriend and some light-up poo.

I decided I was sick of ramen, and from what I heard the hotel food was horrible, so I decided to get in the Monarch Mobile, and head out for some grub. Smashburger FTW! After a hearty meal, a run-in with what I thought were those damned Venture Bros. and bit more fan service (I think I had taken 300 pictures for people by then), it was time for the tournament I had signed up for the night before.

Once again, lack of organization backed the tournament up by almost an hour. The bad thing about tournaments at conventions is you never get what you want. For example, since it was a convention catered toward an anime crowd, I thought they’d share the sentiment of playing "Street Fighter" with an arcade stick. A nerd injury: Jesus Garza Nope, it was BYOFS; bring your own fight stick. Since I’m eccentric, I believe you can’t play "Street Fighter" with a controller; it has to be a fight stick. I had to go around asking to borrow one, and at first my competitors were nice and would say ok. As I whooped them one by one and easily, quarterfinals came and no one would let me borrow their stick. I had them scared! I was defeated since I was crippled, but satisfied to have struck fear in their hearts!

I was still a little ticked off but next door they were larping, so time to let off some steam. Larping involves foam swords, and a point system where you can lose an arm and you can’t use it for the remainder of battle. Fun stuff and a good stress reliever.

As I walked in, they had all the n00bs (which numbered in the twenties) versus the elite, which was, like, six. Since I had come in late, I was stuck with a foam dagger, which is less than a foot in length, while the more experienced people had broadswords, lances and spears. I used my henchman training and did what I was trained to do, I charged forward with guns - OK daggers - blazing. Terrible idea with a terrible consequence. Apparently I surprised one of the elites, and she swung; but it was an early swing and the metal hilt ended up on my lip. Blood was drawn. I’m going to have one of the nerdiest scars ever.
On stage: Jesus Garza
By this time most of the booths had shut down, the video rooms were closed, the night’s events were ending and there was one thing left to do. DANCE! Once again, standing in a line was required; but when I went in, I let myself go. Seeing as how I was in uniform, no one could really tell who I was; so I was a dancing fool. My sweet moves got noticed and I was invited on stage to dance more! Finally I was asked to get off after acting a fool, so the night was over for me.

Leaving the hotel/convention, I felt great. The convention may have been unorganized, but its heart was right where it was supposed to be; and that’s something a lot of conventions can’t boast about. Sure I didn’t get to see half of the events, but a ton of great times were had. I’m already ready for next year.

Day 3: Sunday November 1, 2009
Henching was lame. Everyone laughed at my swollen lip. I got beat up by Brock Samson. I can’t find my light-up poo.