The Movie Roundup: Rob Zombie continues to bore, murderous paper boys

Much like Rambo [1], the weekly movie roundup is back and ready for another round, whether you want it or not!

With the huge news [2] that Disney is swallowing up Marvel Comics, I can’t help but picture a new team of Avengers [3], with Miley Cyrus as Wasp, Zac Efron as Captain America, and Corbin Bleu as Luke Cage. And I’m not going to lie to you, friends: I don’t like that picture. I don’t like it at all.

I don't have a single, original thought in my head.: File
Join Dorothy, Jack and Tik-Tok as they fight off the evil machinations of Princess Mombi and the Nome King in the fantastically effed up Return To Oz this Friday and Saturday at midnight [4] at the River Oaks theatre [5], sponsored by 29-95 and Movies! The Store [6].

F!D!4!3!D! (aka The Final Destination) killed at the box office [7], leaving Rob Zombie’s fellow horror flick Halloween 2 in a dusty third. Inglourious Basterds (love you, Q, but I look forward to the day that I won’t have to spell that anymore) is still at a very respectable 2nd and District 9 and G.I. Joe are rounding out the Top 5 this week [8].

Despite Zombie’s lukewarm response to Halloween, he just keeps trucking away with more boring remakes and ludicrous amounts of self-promotion [9], now bringing 1958 sci-fi classic The Blob back to the big screen [10].

The documentary about the oft-lampooned, never-duplicated Anna Wintour, The September Issue, is getting some great press [11]. Check it (for free!) at the MFAH this Thursday [12] and learn more about that devilicious diva behind the Prada sunglasses.

This House of the Devil trailer [13] is spectacularly rad in the most specifically 80s way. Ti West has got the big-haired, big-scared ad campaign [14] down and his casting is flawless. Those are some majorly 80s ladies.

The beleaguered newspaper business just doesn’t need any more bad luck, does it? Unfortunately this Friday, on the official Newspaper Carrier Day, Domy Books is showing The Paper Boy [15], about a murderous paper slinger and the very bad press he brings to your doorstep. Catch it for free [16], with some eps from Futurama Season One as the pre-show!

Does Will Smith really need this? For that matter, do any of us? Bad Boys III is in the works [17]. Eh, what you gonna do?

The maestro who brought us Bad Boys, the illustrious and esteemed Michael Bay [18], has one highly scintillating defense [19] against the widespread claims [20] of negative racial stereotypes in Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen: “They are robots, by the way.”Look! It's Skids and who-gives-a-crap: Paramount

With the upcoming abysmally-awesome Sorority Row [21], I’m prematurely wishing I could skip the inane filler of reality “star” Audrina Patridge prattling on about her feelings and just get to the STABBING, already! Well, the Alamo Drafthouse’s Horror Remix [22] dispenses with the blabbing and jumps straight to the bleeding (and the boobs!) with three old school sorority thrillers, Killer Party [23], Hell Night [24] and the original House on Sorority Row [25] for FREE next Wednesday night. Just reserve your seat with a $5 food and drink voucher!
And this Thursday, check out Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark [26] for free at the Alamo’s Cult Thursdays [27]!

Thanks for tuning in, and don’t be shy—give me a shout! maborders@gmail.com [28]