Jay Leno shills for absolutely everything on his terrible show

• ADIOS, HAMMER: [1] Come on, admit it -- it was preposterous that you were on Dancing With the Stars in the first place.
• ACTUALLY GOOD LOST SPOILERAGE: [2] Carefully with the clicky, guys.
• HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THIS? [3] So so very much.
• TIM GUNN IN ADDITION TO A MUSICAL NUMBER ON THE 100th EPISODE OF HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER? [4] Perfection.
• I WANT THIS TELEVISION SO BADLY I DON'T HAVE THE WORDS: [5] The holidays are just around the corner. HINT. HINT.
• CAN'T WAIT FOR TONIGHT'S EPISODE OF MODERN FAMILY? [6] Good news. (By the way, I still am not buying that this is the next Arrested Development, but at least its better than Cougar Town. ~shudder~.)
• HEY, LOOK. CLAIRE IS KISSING ANOTHER GIRL. [7] Now you don't have to watch next week's Heroes. You're welcome.
• HEY, LOOK. A MENAGE A TROIS ON GOSSIP GIRL. [8] Eh. It was only a matter of time, really.
• HOORAY! [9] For those of you not watching Bored to Death, you should give it a go. Ted Danson is a revelation!
• AND NOW THE HOUSEWIVES WILL RUIN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL. IT'S THE NEXT "HOT SPOT," YOU KNOW: [10] Whit, I expect some on-the-street action on this one.
• IS JAY LENO A SHILL? UH, DOY.
  
  

WATCH THIS

• America's Next Top Model [11]: Benjy Ninja is up in here. RESPECT. 7 p.m., THE CW
• So You Think You Can Dance: ON TO LAS VEGAS! 7 p.m., FOX
• Glee: Nothing else on television tonight will be as good as this. I assure you. 8 p.m., FOX
• The Bureau: I know what you're thinking: "ANOTHER show about furniture? The Coffee Table left us with such an unsatisfying cliff hanger last season." But wait! This is about the F.B.I.! And has nothing to do with drawers. Series premiere. 8 p.m., ID
• Guiliana and Bill: Something something season finale. 8 p.m., STYLE
• MLB Division Series: Great. Baseball playoffs begin. As does the annual Odell Fight Over the Television. Rockies v. Phillies. 8:30 p.m., TBS
• Top Chef [12]: Slot machines. Ingredients. Tyler Florence. 9 p.m., BRAVO
• Black Gold: Also known as "Texas T." Season finale. 9 p.m., TRUTV
• Clean House: My secret wish is that they would come to my house. Season premiere. 9 p.m., STYLE
• Man Shops Globe: Blogger is Jealous. Series premiere. 9 p.m., SUNDANCE
• South Park: Look, the episode is entitled "Dead Celebrities." Is there anything more to tell you? Season premiere. 9 p.m., COMEDY CENTRAL