New on video this week: Dolph, aliens and Val Kilmer

The Taking of Pelham 123 [1]
A terrible title and two washed-up leads? You probably didn’t catch this one in the theater.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [2]
This movie may not have much else, but it has Channing Tatum in a tank top, and that’s enough to make me rent it.

I Love you Beth Cooper [3]
I have no idea what this movie is about, but it has Hayden Panettiere in a tank top, and I have a feeling that’s enough to make several of you rent it.

Aliens in the Attic [4]
For the chilluns.

Nobody Loves Alice [5]
Fango recommends this disturbing portrait of madness. For those of you who didn’t get enough of that during Halloween.

Hardwired [6]
OMG, Val Kilmer and Cuba Gooding Jr. are in a movie together AND IT’S NOT THE 90s!

Edge of Darkness [7]
If the above options aren’t obscure enough for you, this detective mini-series that aired on the BBC in 1985 should do the trick.

Command Performance [8]
You just can’t keep Dolph Lundgren down! He will continue to make shitty straight-to-vid action flicks until he’s in adult diapers and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. Also, dudes, he wrote and directed this movie about a drummer and ex-biker saving the kidnapped Russian president during a rock concert. Or something.

Lord, what a terrible week for DVD. I think I’ll stick to Hulu, thanks.