The New Guy Visits: Ernie's on Banks

They had Slobberbone on the jukebox.: Daniel Carlson

I’m new to town, and I like to drink. For reasons I’m not stupid enough to question, 29-95 has decided to pay me (I know!) to bring both of those considerable traits to bear as I explore the city I now call home.
• Read about my past bar trips. [1]

There are sports bars, and there are bars that happen to be about sports. The first kind is every bad stereotype you can think of: too loud, too crowded, too brassy, and too full of the weekend warriors in cheese-stained jerseys. More like a restaurant.: Daniel Carlson But the second kind can be really great, and that’s what Ernie’s on Banks [2] turned out to be. It’s a cozy, welcoming joint a little off Montrose, just south of 59, that’s the perfect example of what it means to have an identity but not be swallowed by it. It’s a sport-themed place, yes, but it’s got so much more going on than just the game.

The first thing that hit me when I walked in was the relative silence. It was happy hour, but the bartender hadn’t even cranked up the juke yet and when he eventually did, it was still only to a manageable level. Donated books.: Daniel Carlson I hasten to add that I like listening to the jukebox at a bar, especially when it’s got a selection as solid as the one at Ernie’s (they even had Slobberbone!), and I don’t want to come off like an old man yelling at kids to keep down that racket and get off the lawn, etc. But sometimes, I just want to listen to music and have a beer and hang out and not feel assaulted by the fact that I’m at a bar, and Ernie’s is fantastic for the way it doesn’t grate on your senses.

The bar itself sits against the wall opposite the door, but the whole place is carpeted and there’s a nice set of tables and chairs built for pairs before you get there. And in the back, there’s an open area with more tables and some leather seats against the wall near wall-mounted HDTVs. I guess the point I’m trying to drive home is it feels almost like a restaurant with a strong bar vibe. They’ve also got a decent menu of burgers (all named after baseball players), and the happy hour drink prices are so good that I drank well more than I should have on an empty stomach. I make no apologies.I am amused.: Daniel Carlson

And oh yeah: They have books. Like, there’s a bookshelf near the bar with old books and random board games (I spotted the Houston edition of Monopoly), and there’s a sign telling you to borrow what you want and return it later. Plus you can just leave old books there. When I arrived, there was already a guy at one of the small tables, contentedly reading. The selection seemed like stuff you’d find at your mom’s garage sale — multiple copies of Dan Brown books — but still, it’s a fun character trait for the bar. (Though I can’t decide if the official Alcoholics Anonymous book on the shelf was hilarious or in poor taste. I’m leaning toward the first one.)
Photo credit: Daniel Carlson
So here’s where I have to confess: I just sat down and read. I’m sure most readers, if they think of it at all, expect these little columns to be about whatever misadventures I can find myself in while exploring bars in my new hometown. Off just the top of my head, there’s the time I bought raffle tickets from a moonlighting stripper, and the time the bartender picked me up, and the time I drank absinthe and almost ripped my tongue out with my bare hands. But when I got to Ernie’s on Banks, so help me, I was won over by the weird and inviting little set-up. So I put some Aretha and Stevie Ray on the juke, grabbed the weirdest book I could find (K.B. Gilden’s two-volume Hurry Sundown), settled in with a Shiner, and enjoyed the little sliver of evening I’d carved out. And I have to tell you, it was worth it. Ernie’s is the kind of place where you can watch the game, enjoy a burger on the upstairs patio, or just drink, read, and take it easy. Go see for yourself.