Empire Café is a hipster-magnet coffeehouse whose main draw is dessert. The cake selection here is extensive, so if you're planning on starting a diet, do it tomorrow. Mondays are very popular at Empire Café because it's Half-Price Cake Day. They serve actual meals and stuff, but frankly who gives a damn? If you want dinner there are plenty of other spots nearby that have better food. The patio is an excellent spot for people-watching, thanks to its garden-like setting and prime location in Westheimer's antiques zone. Despite the Old World décor inside, it's not so formal that you have to remember to keep your elbows off the table. But don't talk with your mouth full. That's just nasty.
Want to fit in? Wear secondhand clothes, listen to bands no one has ever heard of and get offended when people brand you a hipster.