There are always free arts and entertainment events going on around town, things like free movies at Discovery Green or free concerts at Miller Outdoor Theater.

In this troubled economic climate (yeah, I said it ... everyone playing the Recession Drinking Game, take a shot), these things are more than just pleasant diversions; they can be the lifeblood of a relationship. When you’re broke as a joke, there’s no date like a free date.

But what happens when it’s 3 p.m. on a Tuesday and you and your between-jobs honey are sick of sitting on the couch, waiting for the next Free Admission Zoo Day to roll around?

Here are five hyper-romantic and absolutely free places you can go pretty much any damn time you please to impress the object of your affections with both your frugality and creativity (though to keep the illusion of the latter intact, you should probably not mention you got these off of the internet).

WHOLE FOODS ON KIRBY AND ALABAMA

There are people who make careers out of abusing the free sample policy at Whole Foods Markets. Think of it less like you’re pushing the limits and more like you’re making a game out of it (“Ten points if you can get them to let you sample that Linda McCartney frozen dinner”) and it becomes both a fun couples activity and a free, high-quality meal. It’s an absolutely unbeatable place to people watch, too, whether your taste runs towards Xanexed-out River Oaks moms or hipsters sporting creative facial hair and/or piercings.
Ducks stalk a child at Hermann Park.: James Nielsen : 29-95
Bonus activity: Bring up Whole Foods CEO John Mackey’s recent, poorly-received editorial in the Wall Street Journal for a robust debate about health care with one of the hungover bass players working in the check-out aisle.

THE DUCK POND AT HERMANN PARK

It may come as a surprise to those of you who have been following my art/bathroom wall graffiti career, but I don’t know much about ducks beyond “I like them a lot.” I don’t know if they migrate at some point or if they’re just always around. I do know this: I’ve been to the duck pond at Hermann Park, and there were ducks hanging out and eating breadcrumbs and just having the most fun there can be. It stands to reason that ducks migrate, but if that were the case wouldn’t they call it “the pond at Hermann Park where there are sometimes ducks” rather than “the duck pond at Hermann Park?”

Anyway, my point is, take your date to this pond and hang out with some awesome ducks. If they don’t think this is an incredible gas, they’re terrible.

THE SUNSHINE BREAD FACTORY ON WASHINGTON NEAR STUDEMONT

Park your car, find a nice quiet place to sit, watch the sunset and smell freshly-baked bread. Bingo! You are the most romantic individual in the motherfucking universe.

PICK DEWBERRIES OUT IN THE COUNTRYSIDE ... WAIT A MINUTE

I mentioned to my friend Taylor that I was writing this piece and he said "it's a lot of fun to go dewberry picking." I didn’t know there was even such a thing as a dewberry, but sure enough MS Word’s spellcheck just gave it a pass (and, maddeningly as ever, put a red squiggly line under “spellcheck”).

Taylor suggests driving out to the countryside with your sweetie and picking some fresh, delicious dewberries that grow wild by train tracks and cow pastures. Presumably after which you could go to a sock hop down at the rec center and discuss whether you should vote for Dwight Eisenhower or Adlai Stevenson.

THE HOUSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY, DOWNTOWN BRANCH

Can you think of somewhere better than a library from which to be ejected for public fornication?