• THREE DIMENSIONAL DOLLS? What's next? An overarching mythology? Episodes that aren't one-offers? (OH, JUST CALM DOWN. I KNOW THERE'S A MYTHOLOGY. SAVE THE INDIGNANT COMMENT, WHIT.)
• WAKE ME IF MS. J COMES ALONG FOR THE RIDE: And tells Little J to cut off that awful hair of hers. And put on something reasonable. And quit trying to be a miniature Courtney Love.
• AND HERE'S WHAT WILL BE REPLACING GUIDING LIGHT: What would Reva say?
• SUPER. And Paula?
• BECAUSE, I MEAN, IF FUTURAMA CAN MAKE IT WORK, WHY CAN'T AMERICAN IDOL? Seriously, enough already. Get Paula a contract. And a handful of Ambien.
• IT'S LIKE FESTIVUS CAME EARLY! Get the pole. I've got plenty of grievances to air.
• SPEAKING OF SEINFELD: Brilliant? Maybe. Comprehensive? Definitely.

WATCH THIS

• Deadly Waters: HEY GUESS WHAT IT'S SHARK WEEK! SHARRRK WEEEEEK!!! 8 p.m., DISCOVERY
• Forensics: You Decide: From what I can gather, it's kinda like those 48 Hours murder mystery shows that are on every Friday night? You know, where a real-life case is presented, and you are all "OH MY GOD, THE HUSBAND TOTALLY DID IT!" But, even though the title suggests otherwise, the truth of the matter is you don't actually get to decide anything, as you weren't on the jury panel. Sorry. 9 p.m., INVESTIGATION DISCOVERY
• Clash of the Gods: And here's what I'll be watching. Because I am a nerd. 9 p.m., HISTORY