• HOW MANY POLAR BEAR CAGES HAS OBAMA HUNG OUT IN? Hmm? How many rafts has he built? How many crazy French chicks has he befriended? How many smoke monsters has he run away from? 0.00. That's how many.
• WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, ENJOY, LOST NERDS: Enjoy. Oh, wait,
  HAVE SOME MORE. AND MORE. AND YET MORE. WAIT WE'RE NOT DONE YET. NOW WE ARE. You're welcome.
• WHAT DO YOU USE TO KILL ZOMBIES? Is it silver bullets? A stake? NO! A shot to the brain, right? Cut off their heads? Whatever. Don't care. Do whatever it takes.
• WELL, SHIT. We still can't swear on the teevees.
• FRINGE SPOILERY STUFF: If you're interested.

WATCH THIS

• Presidential News Conference: Obama, 100 days, blah blah blah. LET'S WRAP THIS THING IN UNDER 60 MINUTES, MMM-KAY? 7 p.m., ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, FOX NEWS and every other station everywhere ever, but FOX
• Lost: Seriously, Obama, let's keep your little conference brief, please. 8 p.m., ABC
• American Idol: Smell ya later, Justin Timberfake. 8 p.m., FOX